I believe that almost everyone, at some point in their lifetime, has always wanted to be a super hero of some form or another. Maybe Superman, deflecting bullets and swapping uniforms faster than Garavani's runway models, or Batman the caped crusader of the night, swooping in on his bad guy victims with the same finesse that Tom Cruise uses when mounting a sofa. I have always wished I could be immortal like Mr. Manhattan or the Specter, but I'm coming to realize that you cannot choose your own superhuman strength, it chooses you.
Therefore after much resistance to accepting my superhuman powers, I'm coming out to the world, letting all know; I am the Master of Redirection.

No, I don't physically unhand people who are so inclined to hurt other people. I don't step out in front of bullets, or leap from tall buildings to save damsels in distress. I don't have a long cape or even a cool costume unless you count my cycling spandex. Can't fly or even jump higher then Lebron. I don't even have a superhero logo for crying out loud! I wake up in the morning, put my blue jeans on one leg at a time, iron my shirt, pack my healthy dinner for work (not immune to cardiovascular disease either) and drive my car the seven miles or so to get there. This is where the magic that is my superhuman power is unleashed. As I said, I am the Master of Redirection, "Hey did you see the Rays game the other night?", "Where did you get that cool shirt?", and "Is that coffee you're drinking?" are my weapons of choice. These words will give the intended target a swift kick in their verbal bowels. The wrongdoers will hopefully forget who they were about to pummel or possibly what they were about to do long enough for me to come up with a solution or another redirection. To keep the story short, I'm pretty much a bad ass!

0 comments