So I am sure that you all (whoever reads this blog) have figured out by my melodramatic posts that life has been pretty rough since September. For the first time in my life I have experienced depression. I know this because I normally rebound from the blues quite quickly but this feeling of hopelessness, empty, and sad has been a constant rain cloud hovering above my head. Most of this feeling stems from the mentally destructive job James and I have been working.

Tonight, a dense fog settled in as I got ready to clock out of my job. The night was still, dark, and full of water vapor; much like my mind has been since landing here in the Sunshine State.

Upon meeting someone new, my first instinct is to offer my hand for a firm handshake and maybe give a polite greeting such as; Nice to meet you! or Hi, how are you? I would then move onto all the usual pleasantries; Where are you from? What do you do for a living? That's some crazy weather we've been having lately, isn't it?

None of these predetermined pleasantries were followed when I met Mr. William (aka Billy) Elmor.

I was just returning from the gym about 2 miles from our apartment where I decided to go for a run. It was 42 degrees outside and for someone who is all too quickly becoming adjusted to the Floridian weather...It was just too damn cold to run outside. The trip home takes me through downtown Clearwater, which happens to be where I met Billy. It's not everyday that I see someone so interesting that it makes me pull my car over to the side of the road and walk out in front of traffic to meet them.

No, Billy wasn't selling ice cream or giving away free pizza coupons; something I would totally run out into traffic for any day. Billy was lying on his back in the middle of the busy road trying to stand himself up. Try as he may, he wasn't doing a very good job. Instead of rolling to his side, getting into the crawling position and eventually standing up as I believe most people would, Billy apparently thought he had magical strings attached to his upper body. Numerous times he tried to get up by violently thrusting his upper body towards the sky almost as if he believed the magical strings would eventually pull him the rest of the way if tried hard enough. Unfortunately he was wearing a shabby, torn backpack that seemed to be filled with heavy objects and every time he would thrust himself into the air, he would fall back and seesaw over it coming millimeters from hitting his head on the pavement.

When I arrived, another man had reached him moments before and together we grabbed Billy by the arms and dragged him to the edge of the sidewalk out of the traffic which was still flowing dangerously close to him. On first inspection after we set him down, I thought he had been hit by a car. His right hand was torn apart and bloody, there were dark blood stains contrasting his thin faded black jacket and his bottom lip was split open and somewhat swollen. He was surely a homeless man by the condition of his clothing/hygiene and the packs of belongings that he was also carrying. I asked him what had happened and he replied in a very matter of fact tone (as if he hadn't just been flopping around in the middle of the road like the weird uncle that can't dance but always does the fish at family weddings) "It's an equilibrium thing. You people wouldn't understand, I got a problem with my inner ear!"

I then asked him his name and he gazed at me for a few seconds as if he didn't trust me and then cautiously said, "Billy." He then repeated his inner ear statement and offered to shake the other mans hand. The other man said, "I don't want to offend you, but your covered in blood." Billy was silent for a few moments and then looked at me and said, "Who are you?" with an overly inquisitive look on his face. I told him my name and about that time he decided to try and get up again. He attempted his awkward thrusting again and finally managed to get himself off the ground.

Standing but very wobbly, he started to walk away just as a police car pulled up. (A women had stopped and called 911 while me and the other man were helping Billy off the street.) The officer walked up to Billy and said, "Let me guess, William Elmore?" Billy hesitated again for a few moments, obviously contemplating whether he should deny knowing who this William Elmore person is. Billy finally reached a decision, broke into a huge grin and said, "Yup, that's me."

The officer asked him if he had been drinking again and at this point I made my escape back to the car.

It seems as if life has been on autopilot lately. I wake up, fiddle around on the computer, do some random errands and go to work, repeating this same process five days out of the week. The weeks have been flying by in this autopilotish fashion. It's nice seeing that paycheck at the end of the week, but lately I feel as if I've been somewhat disconnected from how I really want to live my life. Here's a few of my realizations.

Realization 1
I eat shit. Working up to and over 60 hours a week sometimes combined with working a very mentally draining job makes cooking fine meals not so appealing. I've been trying but sometimes the need for (me time) gets in the way of a healthy meal. I don't go out and buy junk food, but I often exclude more than one food item for dinner. For instance, I'll bring a bowl of potato soup but no fruit, veggies or protein sources.

Realization 2
I haven't been exercising regularly. Juggling two jobs, I have found it difficult to set myself a clear pattern of exercising throughout the week. I sporadically get in a sort run in the morning or a ride in the mid afternoon before work. Sometimes I just feel too exhausted or mentally damaged from working with brain impaired people to motivate myself to go. Bottom line is; exercise helps keep me sane. It reduces my stress and running races gives me something to work towards.

Realization 3
Our lives are in danger. It didn't really hit me until Linsey's family came to visit, how often we hear ambulances, firetrucks or police cars roll by. Probably one every five minutes. Linsey's mom mentioned this while visiting and since then I've become more cognizant of all the crazy stuff around us. For instance, when traveling down to Fort Myers to visit more family, we didn't even make it to the end of our own street before someone cut us off and almost drove us off the road. Last night I was driving some of our residents to the movie theater and witnessed a car hit a cyclist. The man was able to stand up and walk away, but the funny part about it was the vehicle directly behind the guilty driver was a police officer. On the way back from the theater; the main highway heading up through Pinellas County was shut down from an accident that left a 22 year old girl dead. She hit a light pole, flew through her windshield and I believe she died there on the highway. There was also a eating establishment called Super Country Buffet, that was closed down for a few days for human trafficking a half mile from where I work. Stuff like this is a daily occurrence. Long live Florida.

Saturday was the Foster Grant World Championship Triathlon. Many of the top half ironman athletes from around the world came to Clearwater to compete against each other in what was for many, the culmination of many hard months of training.

Not only was I excited that the home base for the race was only about two miles away at Clearwater beach; I was also very excited that the bike portion passed right in front of our apartment! The night before the race, Linsey and I didn't get to sleep until 1-2 am, so I decided not to wake up early to see the 6:45am pro-start. But I did wake up at about 7:00am and was able to cheer on some of the bikers as they passed our apartment.


An hour or two later, Linsey and I biked over the causeway to check out the transition area/other stuff that was setup near the beach. We took a few pictures along the way and were fortunate enough to catch the womens 1st place finisher Britian, Jodie Swallow as she passed by heading in on the last 3-4 miles of her run.

The bike hangers and part of the transition zone.

Two riders approaching the transition zone.

View down the causeway.